It takes both of you to make it work and it is mutually beneficial for both parities. Sex is a gift to be enjoyed. The Bible pretty much says that married folks should be having sex and lots of it. No, really it says that the only time to refrain from sex is for a period of time for fasting and praying and that is only for a period of time, otherwise the devil will use that to keep you apart. Out of everyone I know, the married people have the suckiest sex lives.
Why are the single people having all the good sex? Sex takes both of you. Most men can get over things pretty quickly. If Jeanette and I fight, I can get over it and make up in minutes and be totally fine to have sex that night. Their emotions are involved and they tend to put up some more walls then most men. This could be how she lost her virginity. This could be a situation involving abuse or rape at a younger age.
She thought marriage would solve this, but these issues have never been addressed thoroughly and have caused her to just not be interested. My gut is that if you could help her process some of these things or encourage some counseling, then that could be a great start to help her find the healing she needs.
I was taught growing up that sex was bad. Talk through this stuff. Talk about sex being a great thing. Its more than that. We live in a world where sex with your self masturbation has become the norm, and most men bring this into their marriage. Masturbation has taught you one thing: It leaves something out: You get off in your favorite position and think sex is all about what you like.
If you approach sex like that? She wants you on top not just behind her all the time. My suggestion was to communicate. Let her be involved in what she likes, how she likes it, and let her reach orgasm. Really work to achieve this together and if not at the same time make sure both of you have the option. Oh, and one last bit of advice: You only touch her when you want sex. I am not going to bore you with the crock pot vs. Women need to be touched, kissed, and hugged all the time, not just when you want action.
This will go far. My wife loves to have sex and I think we have a great sex life. I am going to recommend trying to have sex every other day. I have been married 15 years and that is an expectation and goal we both have set.
My wife is done after about 9pm. Guys, you might have to get on her schedule. Her walls are up. These are the walls I talked about earlier. Some of them might not have anything to do with you, but some of them sure do.
Pay attention to her. Look for signals and ask. Run towards resolution and get in the sack. The devil is laughing when us married folks sleep in separate beds.
Have you told her you loved her? Have you told her she is beautiful? Have you told her she is sexy and you still get excited when she steps out of the shower naked? Show her, tell her, and keep the lights on once in a while during sex so you can remind her that you love looking at her. You start looking at porn to get what you need and then your sex life is non-existent. So you see the problem there. That is getting you nowhere.
And when she does initiate, never turn her down. There might be more, but my plane is landing and I have to turn off my computer. Now get in bed.