My mother had just passed away and I felt lost and like my mourning would never end. I told him many times that I needed more—that I needed him to be there for me—but nothing ever changed. So I detached, emotionally and physically. And I started working out, too. I decided I was going to post an ad on Craigslist for the sole purpose of having an affair. I got hundreds of responses but one, in particular, caught my attention.
He was years younger than me, former military, and married with children. I responded, and I was hooked. He seemed too good to be true. He sent me rapid-fire e-mails with photos of himself full body, naked and his face. I started feeling like I was being catfished because I was pushing to meet up, but he kept telling me to be patient.
But there he was: That she was basically perfect only made me feel better about myself, and it fueled my obsession to finally meet up with him. We started chatting on video and he showed me his surroundings.
Turns out, he was working overseas and would be home in a few weeks. The more obsessed I became with him, the more he backed off. The more I backed off—and I did, a few times—the more interested he seemed to become. It was a cat and mouse game. So please stop texting me.
Just let me move on. The silence would last a day, and then he was back at it. He kissed like a cow. He had an extremely large nose, and he smelled weird. I did it, and then I left. He seemed at once very insecure and very full of himself.
He craved the ego boost, I guess. And slowly but surely, he started pushing the envelope: I met him again, same place as before, same drill. And he never wrote me back. Days go by with no word. I made a different e-mail account and responded to his ad. And the e-mails and photos that followed, from him, were exactly the same as the first time around. It almost felt like he wanted to get caught.
He gave me his real name. I know his home address. I know his employer. I know what his wife and kids look like. It would not be difficult for me to cause problems for him.
I shared things with him that are very intimate. I feel embarrassed about what I did. For him, this was just another fling. Things at home are not fixable. How are the kids going to react to a divorce? Can I afford to leave? Ideally, it would end if Ed had enough confidence to get out. It feels good to get all this attention. This could go on indefinitely.