Drunk sex does not equal good sex. I got Tinder about a month ago and met with my first live one last week. We had actually been messaging for about a week or two, pretty different schedules to blame, but we ended up meeting up for a concert which led to drinks which led to me inviting him back to my house which led to sex. The sex lasted fucking forever and not in a good way. Gentlemen, this is not desirable. Shit hurts after not too long. There is chafing involved.
In the end I was just so over it that I rolled over and went to sleep. At least the sex was good, I guess? My friend fucked this stripper with half a shaved head and facial tattoos. She told him that she had been smoking meth all morning and that she had a boyfriend. She was pretty, seemed really cool, and we shared a lot in common. Eventually she said we should hang out, and I said sure. We met up at a mall and just walked around and talked for about an hour, and I left. Anyway, within 2min of me getting back in the car, she texted me wanting to know my real opinion on her now.
I had to delete my FB profile, block her number, etc. I deleted the app after that. DR — Met a crazy. I picked her up, she was very cute, went to dinner at a Japanese steak house and had a good time, drank some sake. She suggested we go back to my place woo! We stop by her apartment to get her car and she wants to get clothes.
Anyways I explain he is cool and I knock beetles off my porch light for to eat and stuff she walks over to him, looks at me, like intense eye contact and proceeded to slowly stomp on my toad. Now at this point I was experiencing several emotions, shock, anger, rage. I told her to get the Fuck of my property, she flips out, we yell back and forth, I sprayed her with the hose and she finally leaves only to show up 20 min later topless on my deck in the back yard.
She had walked from down the road and pulled like 6 pickets down from my fence to get in the back yard. Cops came, she cried her way out of trouble with them and left. Tl;dr fat ugly bastard, solid 8 Tinderella, night of hibachi, sake, otphj, she stomped my porch toad, cops come, girl cries, gets let off. Pretty sure this one wins the thread. Started flirting with this one girl. Eventually got her number and she texted me on a daily basis.
After two weeks of getting to know each other she asks me to be her date at a super bowl party. Totally figured she wanted to hook up first so I totally prepared myself for that. I thought that was weird but I got in the car and drove there with blue balls the whole way. It was at a restaurant she worked at and it was an employees and dates party. Eventually her coworkers come and I meet them.
She told me one of them was an ex. They seemed like good guys. A little on the scummy side though. They all looked like shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Eventually they convince her to drink. One sip becomes a whole drink and one drink becomes three.
She is really drunk but still being kinda flirty. The plan was to leave halfway through and go to a house party. So I drive her and her coworkers there. What a horrible idea. There was a 75 year old man playing Madden instead of watching the super bowl. There was kids running around while people were doing various drugs and talking about selling crack along with pregnant women drinking. Little uncomfortable but fuck it.
We all play a drinking game and then the girl goes to go to the bathroom down the hall. About 3 minutes later two of the coworkers go down the hall to the porch to smoke. About ten minutes goes by and her ex gets up to go see if the bathrooms open. He comes back and lays this on me: Jen is getting fucked by both those guys right now.
I had no idea what to do. I sat there and just watched the super bowl. She completely ignores me and continues playing. Then they start getting weird. They start whispering about me and pointing at me.
Was entirely sure either was going to get my ass kicked. She comes back I tell her were leaving in 5. I left immediately with her. Unfortunately her car is at my place. Took the long way home because I knew she was drunk. Tell her to stay for an hour knowing I could prolong it so she can sober up. She throws a hiss fit that her phones dead and her parents are looking for her. She says she has to drive home immediately. Never talk to her again.