Is it a certain position or state of mind you have when being sexual? I think I have the answer to your question, what are the keys to opening up the channels of better connection, better attachment and better intimacy with your partner? Knowing how to have intimate sex. Think of intimacy on a continuum, on one side is your closed self, on the other end is your open self. Think eyes closed and holding your breath during lovemaking. You are tense, stressed and cold. On the other end of the continuum is your open self.
Your open self is connected with another, your mind open, your eyes open, looking into the soul of the other person. You are relaxed, warm and open. Now think about the concept of open or closed intimacy. Think of the last time you were sexual with another person. Increasing intimacy with another person.
Now image what it could do for your sexual relationship if you brought the qualities listed above to the equation. Having a mindset and an aura of openness and relaxation aid in the bonding process during sex and make the experience a more quality one. Good sex can be like a glue that holds a relationship together in times of stress. So much so that some couples report that good sex can bridge the distance gap in times of stress, such as during the child rearing years.
Good sex is free, adds longevity to your lifespan, is excellent for your cardiovascular health and can contribute to a sense of calm and inner peace. So what do you do if you find yourself on the closed side of the intimacy spectrum? How do you work towards having a more intimate sexual relationship with your partner?
You can do several things to begin promoting change. First, you have to accept that you are a sexual being and that you deserve intimacy, sex, pleasure and connection in your life. Feeling shameful, guilty , worried or negative towards sex will only promote that frame of mind. Second, you have to believe that sex and sexual pleasure is something that should happen for you and not for anybody else.
Sex is not a servicing activity in which you are solely there to pleasure someone else. Sex is an activity that you do for you. Believing that you deserve sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction in your life are cornerstones for being able to achieve intimate sex. Next, we need to talk about your orgasm. One of the keys to intimate sex is having an orgasm most of the time. Usually this is caused by being too tired, maybe being too stressed, possible too much to drink, maybe anxiety, etc. Point being, in order to really connect with having intimate sex you need to allow your partner to pleasure you and you need to be willing to make your pleasure a part of the sexual experience.
Making time to have an orgasm during sex is a key ingredient for building intimacy. It allows you to be vulnerable to your partner and also allows them to touch you and pleasure you to strengthen the bond between you as you coach them on touching you for pleasure and ultimately orgasm. Intimate sex is a symmetrical experience with partners taking turns to pleasure each other and look at one another while pleasure is happening.
Foreplay is so important to intimate sex! Foreplay is the only part of the sexual script where partners generally take turns pleasuring one another. Think about it, the kissing is mutual and the sex is mutual but the foreplay is the only piece of the sexual script where partners can take turns doing something solely for their pleasure.
It promotes feeling desired, it promotes getting aroused and ready for sex and it promotes looking at one another and communicating what feels good through words, hand movements or noise. Another important tip is to make sure you are scheduling and prioritizing time for intimacy in your life. Aim to set aside at least an hour a week to spend with your partner in bed, in the shower or in any kind of an intimate setting where you can connect physically.
The most valuable gift you can give your children is modeling a happy and connected relationship. Get the kids out of your bed, put a lock on your door and schedule to spend time with your mate, every week. Last tip for intimate sex is to physically look at one another and allow your partner to see into your soul or at least into your eyes.
Be open to the experience of really looking at your partner and really trying to connect with them while you are touching and being touched. The keys to intimate sex include feeling that you deserve sexual pleasure, participating in foreplay, achieving orgasm, scheduling time and locking eyes with your partner. Good and connected sex can be a glue that holds your bond together during stress. Learning how to have a quality connection and increasing intimacy with your partner will protect the relationship and keep your bond strong.
As always, feel free to email with your questions, visit my website to view my helpful videos or schedule a time for us to connect personally about your unique situation.