I had considered myself an open-minded person. I thought your heart told you whom to love, and I thought sexual fetishes were healthy. This statement rocked my belief.
Jason and I had only been dating for a few months when he told me this. We were having trouble in the bedroom. Sex was flat, boring, and he could never reach orgasm. I had had several sexual partners in the past, and was fairly confident with my skills. One day I decided to confront the situation.
I sat him down on my bed and ask him if he had any desires or fetishes that maybe we could try. I pulled up a list of fetishes online and asked him to see if any interested him. He glanced over the list fast, and looked up at me. I started getting nervous. I thought he might say something like eating feces.
I explained because having sex with infants is disgusting. Anyone who desired that deserves to be in jail. I knew I had picked the right one. Rushing through my head was something like: He took the computer from me and pulled up a website.
We sat in silence as I read over every last word. It talked about adults dressing up like babies. Some liked to look at pictures of people in diapers, some hired nannies to babysit them, and some defecated in diapers.
This was a lot of information to take in. I just like shitting in diapers and looking at people wearing them. He sometimes wore diapers in public, and he got a rush being near his friends. He kept saying that if I was open minded I would understand. I told him I needed time to process, but we were fine.
Days went by and I spent all my free time researching diaper fetishes. I felt if I had more information than I could understand. I decided to force myself to be OK with it. I told him that it was his thing, I respected him and his right to be into whatever he was into, but I could not participate in it. He agreed that was acceptable. Time went on, but every time we had sex I wondered if he was thinking of babies.
One day I decided to hop on an adult baby chat room and see if someone would answer some questions. I was first met with some serious backlash. I guess these chat rooms were frequently flooded with people spreading hate, and they were guarded. Eventually, a man said he would answer my questions. He explained his wife had left him when he told her about his fetish. He respected the fact I was trying to understand.
That night, I sat Jason down and told him he could go outside the relationship to satisfy his sexual needs. He had previously mentioned groups that met to sit together in diapers and do everyday stuff; watch movies, dinner, etc. Jason was not the type of guy to have limits placed upon him. He took my acceptance as an open door and started demanding I take part in the diaper wearing. He would ask me to come over, and when I arrived he would be wearing a diaper.
I started to feel really awkward. He always wanted to go out drinking, and being a typical college student I drank more than I should have. When we would get to his place, he would try to force me into participating while my judgment was impaired. I would fight against it. He started to threaten me by saying either I participate, or he would spread rumors that it was my fetish.
I now think that he was just projecting his insecurities on me. Not because of the diaper fetish, but because of the manipulation. For a year after we broke up, he would call me and threaten to commit suicide. I felt I deserved all the bad things he would say to me, because I must be an awful person. Years later I bumped into him, and asked how he was. He said he was great, and had been dating a girl for a year.
He said they were perfect for each other, and that they shared everything.