AA Edward Smith kisses cars. But sometimes other human beings are way more trouble than they're worth. There could be other problems, too.
Like maybe your boyfriend's body just isn't boxy enough to satisfy your deep desire for smooth, flat surfaces and sharp penetrating corners. Or maybe you're just really bored. In any case, welcome to the world of object love, where men put their penises inside entirely inappropriate pieces of machinery and ladies try to fit story buildings between their legs. See the cut for five ways people mostly dudes like to have sex with inanimate objects.
I Want to Penetrate Your Infrastructure Humankind has a long history of making love to what's called "hard infrastructure. Most of those things, however, are way too big to fuck. It's a physical impossibility.
But some still try. In general, people tend to stick with infrastructural accessories — like street signs, picnic tables, mailboxes — because they're the right size for the human body.
Beware, though, because doing it with objects can be dangerous. Check out the above news clip about a desperately lonely male humper from Hong Kong who, as the anchorwoman puts it, "apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.
Every extreme bench enthusiast should add a can of WD to his survival kit. Monuments of Love Can you even imagine what it would feel like to put a giant New York City skyscraper or a massive monument to East German communism inside you? Well, there are a couple of women — Sandy K.
For her part, Sandy K. Berliner Mauer means Berlin Wall. No shit, this lady married the wall in and legally adopted her husband's name. From the time it was first erected to the day it was torn down in , Wall Winther stayed to true to her hubby. But these days, she's playing the field, rubbing up against things like fences, gates, and guillotines. Jason Leroy Savage felt very dirty and he did something about it.
Carpet Wizard Hey, it's totally cool if you want to conduct wild sexual experiments with home appliances. Go ahead and get down with your washing machine, garbage disposal, pizza oven, bandsaw, or blender. Honestly, we couldn't care less. Do not take that action to the streets. Someone reported "suspicious activity" to the cops. And his parents read it all in the morning newspaper. Up the Tailpipe Have you ever looked at the big fat bubble butt on a Volkswagen Beetle and thought: Make some friends at sexwithcars.
The proud and open poster boy for this particular alternative lifestyle is some dude from Washington state named Edward Smith. He's done the dirty with thousands of cars in his lifetime, including Vanilla a Beetle , Cinnamon a Opal GT , Ginger a Ford Ranger Splash , and the helicopter from cheesy '80s spy show Airwolf.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.