I really enjoyed this book and I must caution that my rating is based more on my enjoyment of it rather than the value of the content. I think some modern readers may find the book a bit too fuddy duddy, too heteronormative, too monogamous, too vanilla, too romantic, too quaint and sentimental, and perhaps even a bit too love oriented, all things that I love becau I finally got around to reading this book, which has been a strange oversight on my part due to my interest and love for the subject.
I think some modern readers may find the book a bit too fuddy duddy, too heteronormative, too monogamous, too vanilla, too romantic, too quaint and sentimental, and perhaps even a bit too love oriented, all things that I love because I am a 68 year old heteronormative, monogamous, vanilla, romantic, old fuddy duddy who is too quaint and too sentimental, and very much in love with the woman that I make love to, my wife of 40 years.
As the title implies, this book is about love as well as sex: The Joy of Sex: One thing I was pleased with was that the parallels to a cook book were rather minimal. The other thing that should be noted is that this edition was revised in by Susan Quilliam. As such it has been updated so the book recognizes that the Internet exists and has had some of the more recent research applied to the techniques, but the book is not going to give you tips on how to use Tindr or other dating sites nor is it going to explain the latest trends in the statistics on sexual demographics.
One is not overwhelmed in modernity. Other than a few technological and cultural mentions, this book would still fly back in There are no plumbing diagrams or descriptions on how the plumbing works. You are supposed to know all that and basically have experience with sex. The explicit illustrations are water color paintings of what appears to be the same couple.
All the illustrations are in good taste and get across the point without wallowing in it. The couple seems to demonstrate intimacy, tenderness, and indeed joy instead of lust. The reader uses their own imagination to build an activity on the framework. Entries are relatively short, some only a page long. Cautions are provided where appropriate but for the most part the book relies on the couple having experience and common sense. The book is not hierarchical. Actually the chapters are not numbered, and they are really not chapters but rather I suppose the sexual equivalent to recipes.
To me they were more like articles or encyclopedia entries…although not to imply they are boring. For the most part you can read any section you wish in any order and have no difficulty understanding the concept. There are some articles that some readers may find kinky or well beyond things that they want to try. No big deal, just don't read those sections. It won't affect the rest of the book.
Where appropriate, the book Kindle edition has hot links contained in the text that will take one to other articles of similar interest. The book has a hot linked index and a section listing resources. The book had a section on tenderness. I have never seen that in a sexual book before.
I found the section intriguing: Tenderness is shown fully in the way you touch each other. What it implies at root is a constant awareness of what your partner is feeling, plus the knowledge of how to heighten that feeling, gently, toughly, slowly, or fast, and this can only come from an inner state of mind between the two of you. No really tender person can simply turn over and go to sleep afterwards.
Of course, I have seen this concept before perhaps not stated as succinctly, but I have never seen it labeled tenderness. But I also found the section in want.
There is this feeling I get for my wife often during or after love making, but other times too, where I feel this tingling in the center of my chest. It is a craving for union, a desire to engulf her and be engulfed by her, extreme affection for her.
It is an overwhelming lust of my heart to become one with her. Tenderness seems like a good word this feeling. Another concept I liked in this book was that sex is a form of play: It is only recently, as ethology has replaced psychoanalytic theory, that counselors have come to realize that sex, besides being a serious interpersonal matter, is a deeply rewarding form of play One of the most important uses of play is in expressing a healthy awareness of sexual equality.
This involves letting both sexes take turns in controlling the game; sex is no longer what men do to women and women are supposed to enjoy. Both are essential and built-in to humans. For anyone who is short on either of these elements, play is the way to learn: