Share via Email My husband and I are 57, our daughter is I am very attracted to my son-in-law, 31, and have been since I met him three years ago. My heart races when I am near him, I want to look at him constantly and feel weak when I hear his voice on the telephone. I have been keeping a tight grip on myself and am sure no one has guessed. I had hoped my infatuation would fade over time. Other older women have said how attractive they find him so maybe there is something about him that triggers these feelings and it is not entirely my fault.
I find it particularly shameful as my behaviour is of the sort I would have condemned had I been told about a man with sexual feelings for his pretty daughter-in-law. Enjoy your fantasy I am 58 and heartened to know other women my age are capable of these infatuations. I am currently suffering from one myself. He's a teacher of mine, who is about years younger than me and the crush first occurred many years ago.
When the lessons had run their course, it was forgotten and life went on as usual, but I recently resumed lessons with him. I expected to feel nothing given my older age and my relationships in the intervening years, but once again I am victim to all the symptoms you describe. I believe your infatuation has arisen because the young man obviously has charm and the capacity to give you genuine attention; mid-life produces feelings of invisibility.
You have not indulged in any shameful behaviour - you haven't revealed your feelings to your family and you mustn't. Ageing is bittersweet - we can never be the nubile young women we once were. You may be infatuated precisely because you know the situation is "safe" and can never become reality. The best strategy is to look in the mirror, laugh at yourself and resolve to do 10 exciting new things with your husband.
Enjoy your harmless fantasy until it fades away, which it will. Name and address withheld Be more spiritual I have been faithfully married for 20 years but I am attracted to other men quite regularly. I see it as a sign that I need to pay more attention to my spiritual life.
Sexuality in its pure form is rooted in the spirit, not the body. Sexual energy is behind every spiritual search, every creative outpouring and every urge for intercourse. If pursued on a purely physical level, the human being turns into an animal, but if you use this energy to find and explore further depths within yourself, and express what you find there, in whatever way comes naturally to you, it will give you more pleasure than an ill-advised affair with your son-in-law ever could.
Name and address withheld Lighten up Why are you so hard on yourself? Your son-in-law is not a blood relative and your feelings are not at all shameful or taboo. Just because you are in late middle-age and happily married, it doesn't preclude you from finding members of the opposite sex attractive. The fact that your friends also fancy him shows he has sex appeal - perhaps you might have more cause for worry if you weren't attracted to him. You have your feelings well under control and are unlikely to give expression to them - though a little mild flirting wouldn't harm anyone - so please stop feeling so guilty.
HN, Ilford Next week I am a woman in my late 30s, married with three children. All my life I have had an uneasy relationship with my adoptive mother.
In my early teens she switched off from me and I was treated with indifference and some cruelty. When I had children, she was aloof and strangely uninvolved, choosing not to visit until the babies were older.
Even now, if we did not make the effort to visit her, she would not see her grandchildren. I have learned to live with it, but the problem is my aunt, my mother's sister. I am very fond of her but she keeps trying to build bridges between my mother and me. She will not accept the situation and I have to endure long, painful conversations on the matter. She invariably finds reasons for her sister's behaviour and suggests I have a duty towards her. How can I stop this? I simply want to leave the past behind but my aunt seems to enjoy discussing it.
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