Go on, give it a go. It can't be done. You simply can't convey romantic interest without the body getting into the act. To play a really successful game of flirtation your body must speak what your mouth won't say. If you're feeling good about yourself the way you focus your eyes, position your mouth, and maneuver your shoulders, hips, and hands send out signals that say, 'Check me out!
I think you're hot! Finally, having captured and conquered the unsuspecting, or equally interested party, your body moves into a new mode of behaving that demonstrates comfort, ease, and familiarity.
Observe how long-term lovers anticipate one another's actions by the way they move in synch with their partners. How you use your body exposes how ready you are for a bit of romance, how attractive you feel, and how interested you are. Some courtship signals are deliberate, others are unconscious.
In this section we delve into the wild, oft times confusing world of flirtation and courtship behavior. Do these guys make the cut, are they studly enough for her? Men, notably if they are athletic themselves, are impressed by a woman who talks about her time surfing, playing tennis, or climbing mountains. Attracting Someone's Attention According to pioneering psychology and non-verbal communications researcher Dr. Albert Scheflen, immediate physiological changes occur when people enter into the same space as a member of the opposite sex.
Watch a person in the company of someone he or she finds at least remotely attractive and see what happens. Bodily muscle tone in the torso, arms, leg, and face tighten up as a person via evolutionary instincts prepares for a possible sexual encounter.
The walking gait becomes more limber and bouncy as we endeavor to appear vigorous, healthy, and youthful and convey our suitability as mates, and perhaps replace the ravages of time or too many late nights. Men stand taller, thrust up their chins, expand their chests, and pull in their stomachs making them look like the king of the jungle. Women tilt their heads, flick their hair, and expose their wrists and necks, demonstrating vulnerability and submissiveness.
Your eyes dilate if you find another person attractive. It happens automatically, and you can do nothing to stop it. If things go to plan, the recipient of your gaze unconsciously responds in a similar way and the excitement begins. When you're rating someone's attractiveness and in turn are being rated, messages that convey interest, keenness, and compatibility are constantly being relayed. No matter how old, fit, or capable people are, they're all checking each other out.
The ideal place to observe these changes is on a beach when a man and a woman approach each other from a distance. The changes take place when they are close enough to meet each other's gaze and will continue until after they have passed each other, at which time their original posture returns. Body language is a fundamental part of courtship because it reveals how available, attractive, ready, enthusiastic, sexy or desperate we are.
While some courtship signals are studied and deliberate, others, such as those just mentioned, are completely unconscious. It is still unclear how we learn these signals but research now shows that many may be inborn. Why Women Lead In This Dance Research by behavior zoologists and behavioral scientists reveals that male and female animals use a series of intricate courtship gestures, some obvious and others more nuanced, and that most of this is done subconsciously.
In the animal world, courtship behavior in each species follows specific and pre-determined patterns. With several species of bird, the male struts around the female giving a vocal display, puffing up his feathers and performing many intricate body movements to gain her attention, while the female appears to display little or no interest.
This ritual is similar to that performed by humans when courtship begins. Human flirtation involves sequences of gestures and expressions not unlike the courtship dances of birds and other animals. The essence of the matter is that if a person wants to attract the opposite sex they do so by emphasizing sexual differences; playing down or hiding these differences serves to discourage the opposite sex. Ask men who usually makes the first move in the mating game and they will almost always say that men do, except Women usually make the first move: Research shows that 90 per cent of the time women initiate the first move in the mating game.
Women send out a series of subtle eye, body and facial signals to the man she's targeting. If she's good at it the man thinks that he's taking the lead although in fact he's just dancing to her tune. If a woman is to succeed in the ritual she has to count on the man to decode the signals she sends out. She must then respond to the signs he sends back in a way that gives him the green light to move to the next stage.
For a man to succeed in this game he has to be able to read the signals correctly. There are men who will approach women in a club or bar without being sent the green light. While some of these men are regularly successful with finding partners using these techniques - looking like and having the style of Ryan Gosling would help - their overall statistical success rate is low because they weren't invited first.
Interpreting The Code Men find it difficult to interpret the more subtle cues in women's body language and research shows that men tend to mistake friendliness and smiling for sexual interest. This is because men see the world in more sexual terms than women. Men have a far greater amount of testosterone than women do. This hormone is a key determinant defining sexual characteristics and behavior that causes men to prioritize sex in their world view.
When they meet a possible partner, women send out subtle, but often deceptive, courting signals to see whether he's worth pursuing. Women tend to bombard men with courting rituals in the first minutes of meeting them. Men may misinterpret these signals and make clumsy passes. Consequently with some men, when a lady says 'no' she means maybe; when she says 'maybe' she means 'yes' By sending ambiguous signals in the early stages, women can manipulate men into showing their hand.
This is also a reason why many women have trouble attracting men. Men being less perceptive in the interpretation of social signals become confused and won't make an approach.
The Attraction Process As with other animals, human courtship follows a predictable five-step sequence that we all go through when we meet an attractive person. She looks across the room and spots a man she fancies.
She waits till he notices her then holds his gaze for about five seconds and then turns away. He now keeps watching her to see if she does it again.
A woman needs to deliver this gaze, on average, three times before the average man realizes what's happening. This gaze process can be repeated several times and is the start of the flirting process. She delivers one or more fleeting smiles. This is a quick half smile that is intended to give a prospective man the green light to make an approach. Unfortunately, many men are not responsive to these signals, leaving the woman feeling that he's not interested in her. She sits up straight to emphasize her breasts and crosses her legs or ankles to show them to best advantage or, if she's standing, she tilts her hips and tilts her head sideways towards one shoulder, exposing her bare neck.
She plays with her hair for up to six seconds - suggesting she is grooming herself for her man. She may lick her lips, flick her hair and straighten her clothing and jewellery. He'll respond with gestures such as standing up straight, pulling his stomach in, expanding his chest, adjusting his clothing, touching his hair and tucking his thumbs into his belt. They both point their feet or entire bodies towards each other. He approaches and attempts to make small talk, using cliches such as, 'Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
She looks for an opportunity to initiate a light touch on the arm, either 'accidental' or otherwise. A hand touch indicates a higher level of intimacy than a touch on the arm. Each level of touch is then repeated to check that the person is happy with this level of intimacy and to let them know that the first touch was not accidental.
Lightly brushing or touching the shoulder of a man is done to give the impression that the woman cares about his health and appearance. Shaking hands is a quick way to move to the touch stage. These first five stages of courtship may seem minor or even incidental but they are critical to starting any new relationship and are the stages that most people, especially men, find difficult.
This chapter will examine the signals that are most likely to be sent by men and women - and Alex - during these stages. Common Signals Women Use To Flirt Women use most of the same basic preening gestures as men, including touching the hair, smoothing the clothing, one or both hands on hips, foot and body pointing towards the man, extended intimate gaze and increasing eye contact.
Some women will also adopt the thumbs-in-belt gesture, which, although it's a male assertion gesture, is used more subtly: Women become more sexually active in the middle of their menstrual cycle, when they are most likely to conceive.
It's during this time that they are more likely to wear shorter dresses and higher heels, to walk, talk, dance and act more provocatively and to use the signals we are about to discuss. What follows is a list of the 13 most common courtship gestures and signals used by women everywhere to show a man that she could be available. Flipping Back Their Hair When a woman sees a man she finds attractive she unconsciously tosses her head or runs her fingers through her hair.
Whether her hair is long or short the gesture is a subtle way of showing that she cares about her appearance and is making an effort to look appealing. An added benefit of this movement is that it exposes her soft underarm, a highly sensual part of a woman's body that most men find irresistible, while also allowing the 'sex perfume' known as pheromone to waft by to her target man.
Preening the hair and letting pheromones in the armpit work their magic 2. Pouting And Wetting Your Lips Full lips are seen as a female characteristic and are considered full of sexual promise. When a woman pouts, the size of the lips increase, as does the man's interest. The facial bone structure of men and women is vastly different. During the teen years, as testosterone increases in men, their facial features become stronger, larger, and more pronounced.
This strengthening of features provides incremental protection in the event of conflict with enemies or animals. Women's facial features change only slightly with increases in the hormone estrogen. Due to more subcutaneous fat, their faces seem full and childlike, particularly their lips. Larger, thicker lips therefore become a signal of femininity because of their contrast in size to male lips.
Women seeking advantage have collagen injected into their lips to overstate this sexual difference and thereby make themselves more appealing to men. Pouting simply increases the lip display.
A woman's facial lips are proportionately the same thickness as her outer genital lips, what scientists have labeled 'self-mimicry' as it symbolizes the female genital region.