But we're well into a brand-new millennium now, so why the hell wouldn't a major network air a prime-time competition that features a male porn star trying to keep from blowing his load for as long as possible while a flamboyant, portly gentleman tries to suck the proverbial chrome off his trailer hitch?
Continue Reading Below Advertisement Orgasm Wars puts a reportedly straight veteran of adult films to what seems to be a simple challenge: The "professional" in question is a man highly confident in his abilities, as is befitting of a seasoned practitioner of his chosen craft. So you've done this before? Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below Advertisement His cocksuredness only grows, once he comes face-to-face with the fellow who has been assigned to perform the grunt work: Welcome to 'diet-related decreased arterial blood flow for the fellatio.
All the slurpy shenanigans take place behind a strategically placed box, but it rapidly becomes evident that the professional has severely underestimated the skills of the amateur.
After an initial exploratory foray and the removal of a hair from his teeth the challenger renews his efforts, a hush draws over the crowd, and the game is afoot! Or at least 8 inches. Which is still pretty impressive. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Appearing to be exhausted from his efforts, the challenger withdraws momentarily. But it is only to announce his upcoming coup de grace: What follows is a mysterious noise the announcers describe as "po," and the business is concluded with plenty of time left on the clock.
OK, sure this whole idea is pretty much just Make Me Laugh, with giggle-suppression replaced by a man trying to keep his gabagool from exploding.
But who wasn't inspired by Orgasm War's story of a plucky underdog coming from out of nowhere to emerge triumphant over the cocky champ? Frankly, in these times of unrest and strife, the world needs more uplifting, working-class heroes like Takuya of Shinjuku Area 6. Reid Ross also mortifies his daughter over at Man Cave Daily. Feel free to follow him on Twitter here. Be sure to follow us on Facebook and YouTube, where you can catch all our video content, such as America's Best Girlfriend: World's Worst Reality Show and other videos you won't see on the site!