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A room full of screaming, sweaty men, all trying to get it up. I like my money right where I can see it: Twenty dollars for a hamburger. When I moved to this neighborhood, the only thing that cost twenty dollars was a hand job from a tranny. Just look at this street! The only designer name that belongs in the Meatpacking District is Oscar Mayer. I never liked his clothes. FBI Agent, to Samantha: Ma'am, can you undo your cuffs so we can use ours?
They don't cook the food here? That's why they call it Raw. The raw food movement! Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.
Meanwhile, I was finally confident I could heat up my sex life, because I was a sex columnist, I was resourceful, and I was drunkitty drunk drunk. Berger, about Carrie's furry heels: What do you have there, a pet? Tell me why we're going to this again? She's an old friend going through a breakup. On a Friday night? She tried to kill herself! It was six Advil!
On an empty stomach! Carrie, you have to know where he's been so you know what you're getting. As long as what you get doesn't itch, I say you're fine. Doesn't that waiter look familiar? Charlotte, always the straight-A student, took to her Judaism class like a Gefilte fish to water. Oh, honey, isn't the baby birth control enough? And Debbie's, his new girlfriend, that's her name.
Where are they doing it, Gymboree? I have those in my mouth all the time. I'm just getting Brady ready to go out for a night with his dad. Packing up the old diaper bag, making sure he has everything he needs: I'm not exactly thrilled that our baby is having sex already, but I sure am glad he's using protection!
I tell you, it is so refreshing to be with someone who likes to fuck outside the box. Your parents named you Jerry Jerrod? No wonder you drank. But you will wear it forever! Yeah, I'd have to! Does it also somehow open into a small studio apartment? It's a check from our publishers. They sold my book in Paris. It's an advance from France! All of Manhattan is here. Who's watching the island?
Well, that's the first thing every woman in town will be saying after she sees it. And that's the second. You know what I think? I think, don't do that. Well, I'm sorry, I'm upset. You'll be even more upset when your face is all lined. How'd you do it? Well, I got pregnant, became a single mother, and stopped having any time to eat. Oh, that's a diet I won't be trying. I just feel kind of silly that I made such a big fuss about my ring earlier.
Oh, honey, a diamond that big deserves a parade! I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Stanny, are you watching? I'm about to try a catch! Maybe you should quit while you're a I tried the trapeze yesterday for that piece that I'm writing.
I have the most terrible fear of heights. Well, I do not. You've seen my shoes. I'm just here to drop off the photo proofs and the seating chart. We're going to have a quick bite to eat and then I'm going to take the place cards to the calligrapher. And after that, if there's time, we're going to go around the corner and try to find our balls. Yeah, and in town for a week! That IS the point! It's the best possible scenario, because you know he's leaving.
But it's like whatever happens, there's an expiration date. I want nothing but lilies on the huppah. The theme is yentil chic! Charlotte, wearing her wedding dress: Listen, when you're on location, don't do anything I wouldn't do. What's that rule out? Mmmm, there are things. Karaoke, I don't do that. Carrie, about Steve's new girlfriend: Well, did you see her? Just her shoes and her nails. Oh yeah, he's a regular Jerk de Soleil. Do you think everyone knows I slept with him?
And they all think you're a big hora. I loved Marlo Thomas! I played that album all through the fifth grade. I wanted to run as fast as the wind. Carrie, after being told to take off her shoes: We've had a swell time, it's just I'm so sick of these people with their children. I'm telling you, they're everywhere! Sitting next to me in first class, eating at the next table at John Schu— [A child runs by. This place is for double cappuccinos, NOT double strollers.
Hey, no need to apologize.