Usually, these people's downfalls are due to plain old greed and wastefulness -- not checking the pockets of their designer suits for spare change before they throw it in their closet-furnace, failing to make sure they've snorted every last line of cocaine off that male stripper's abs before they send him back to his wing of the mansion, etc.
But others lose their fortunes for far more drastic reasons. Sure, these people may currently be elbow-deep in janitor bucket, but at least they each have a story to tell. But by the late s, his finances must have felt like Leelee Sobieski did when a man in a bear suit came running toward her in the remake of The Wicker Man, because they were about to get punched in the face. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Cage declared bankruptcy in , and to this day is desperately appearing in any movie script Hollywood craps out in an attempt to stay ahead of his debts.
Where The Money Went Cage appears to make financial decisions by holding up a small handheld mirror and asking himself: Because it's a skull? Okay, I'll move on. Cage bought the skull had been scammed by criminal paleontologist Eric Prokopi, whom authorities describe as a "one-man black market in prehistoric fossils.
Cage returned the skull to its home country of Mongolia, but never revealed exactly what he wanted it for in the first place. The only reason I can think of is that he wanted to grind up the bones and ingest the powder in some sort of voodoo ritual to give himself mystical dinosaur powers and wisdom, but that's completely crazy shit that even Nicolas Cage wouldn't be into -- wait, Nicolas Cage is into that, too?
She was the one who met and eventually married the douchey Spencer Pratt, while viewers at home watched and felt much better about their own lives. Continue Reading Below Advertisement It's become a bit of a cliche to dump on talentless reality stars, so I will add here that the couple have also managed to remain happily married for seven years, and that they both probably have some very nice qualities. However, being good with money is not one of those qualities.
Where The Money Went By , Pratt and Montag were spending money like the world was ending, because they thought the world was ending. In , Pratt admitted that he and his wife believed that an asteroid was going to hit the earth on December 21, , and that the best thing to do was get rid of all that pesky money before that happened, presumably because cash and valuables would only weigh a person down in the underground garbage mines once cockroaches had taken over the earth.
Eventually, they were forced to move back in with Pratt's parents after their money ran out and they could no longer afford a house.
And after all that, the prophecy turned out to be bullshit. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was all set to happen, but then God changed his mind because he couldn't stand the idea of Spencer Pratt being right about something.
Christ, the guy probably earned more during the time he spent pooping in the morning than most people do in a year, even if he was getting enough fiber. But given that he's appearing in this article, you can probably guess that Walker's golden days of cash-pooping are unfortunately over. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Where The Money Went Some of Walker's money went the way one can expect money to go when you hand millions of dollars to a guy who's barely old enough to drink.
He built his family members giant houses, was particularly fond of expensive cars, and hired his own personal wizard I assume. But the main problem was that Walker, realizing that his basketball career wasn't going to last forever, decided to found a real-estate firm and buy properties in the Chicago area.
Which might usually be a good example of smart long-term financial planning, except that he did this in the mids. I'll have the mortgage payment ready in no time. By , he was bankrupt. Today, Walker has a somewhat stable career as a basketball analyst, but admits that he doesn't even own a car anymore, and is currently reduced to using Uber to get around.
Which is probably the most tragic part of this whole story, given that conversations with your Uber driver are awkward enough without the guy recognizing you and asking what happened to your Bentley. He remains active in stand-up, and after his long and storied career lasting three decades, he has managed to accumulate an impressive net worth of In other words, he would have been better off if he'd spent the last 30 years sitting on his sofa in his underwear playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the NES.
Rather, like the flaming wreckage of a car that hit a moose on the highway, Dave's bad situation is due solely to bad timing and being Canadian. Where The Money Went In , Foley broke up with his wife and the mother of his two children, who were thankfully the same person.
At the time, his career was going great. He was earning about a million dollars a year, largely from his role in NewsRadio. When you're earning a million dollars a year, you probably find more than that between your couch cushions after a weekend rich-people party.
But then disaster struck. NewsRadio was cancelled, and Foley's income dropped quicker than mine almost did when I submitted an article titled "5 Reasons Cracked. By , Foley was complaining that he couldn't step foot in Canada without being very politely arrested for owing half a million dollars in back payments. We can all learn a valuable lesson from this: Never, ever fall in love and get married. Stay at home at night and read Cracked instead; we'll never leave you.
Well, apart from the whole "owning slaves" thing. And if you're guessing he spent all his funds on a vast bald eagle breeding program, you're going to be disappointed. Where The Money Went Basically, the guy had a taste for really expensive wine.
Jefferson became a superfan of the drink while living in France in the s, and after his return to America, the inferior colonial wines no longer cut it.
So he did the logical thing and started importing the stuff from Europe. Jefferson was so knee-deep in wine hipsterism that he even imported it in glass bottles rather than in the standard barrels , because he was paranoid that crooked merchants might water it down en route. All this added up to a habit that, in current dollars, cost over a million dollars a year.
And here you were feeling guilty for buying the fancy scented hand sanitizer to get drunk on. If a current president spent his money the way Jefferson did, a three-book deal would spontaneously materialize on Bill O'Reilly's nightstand. Coville tweets here and has a book on sale here. Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see why some celebrities are so famous that they can never lose money in The 6 Most Surreal Celebrity Endorsements , and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
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