Tweet You like this guy. In fact, you are completely taken by him. The only problem is you let your smitten side get the best of you, and you had sex too soon. You went from zero to sexy in ten seconds. What does he think of me? Can we still start a relationship?
Am I too loose? How do I tell him I want to slow down? Maybe you really like this guy and you want to explore a relationship with him. So what do you do? Here are some guidelines on how to navigate yourself and put the budding relationship back on track. Be kind to yourself. You are not a slut. Have some compassion for yourself. You did what you did. Hopefully you even enjoyed yourself during the experience. Either way, keep it simple. Find out what you really want.
Do you want to take all sexual activity off the table? Or keep it at PG makeouts? Do you need to feel more emotionally connected with him first? This is where kindness and authenticity work best. Can we talk about it next time we hang out?
Did you like his presence and eye contact? Were you feeling safe and cared for? Do you find him incredibly sexy? Guys can feel insecure too, and by starting off with what you enjoyed, it helps set a positive tone. Be aware of any type of shaming or blaming. Own your role in the experience and hopefully he does, too. Assuming that everything was consensual, having sex was a mutual choice by two adults. There is nothing wrong or bad about it.
Ask him what he heard. This next one is important. Have him repeat back to you what you said. By repeating what the other person said, you get a chance to clear up any misunderstanding right there in the moment.
Listen to his experience and desires. Then give him a chance to openly share his own thoughts and feelings. Maybe he feels the same way as you and wants to dial it back a bit so you can get to know each other better. Sure, you could have not had sex and hopefully gotten the same information. But if he is not into you as much as you are into him, then get out now.
Save yourself the heartbreak and drama. And take the whole experience as an opportunity for you to clarify more precisely how you want your dating and sex life to be.
Create a new shared context. This whole process might seem a bit dry and formal, but the opportunity for you to feel safe and go at a pace that you need will allow you both to enjoy each other a hell of a lot more. Dating is all about experimentation and fine-tuning our wants and needs. There is no right way to do it. Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet? He is one of the lead facilitators for the Authentic Man Program, a life-changing course for men, and has led over 70 personal growth, dating, and consciousness workshops.
Find out more at jeffreyplatts.