I wonder if I can stick my dick in there Either due to bizarre sexual fetishes or just plain boredom, men have gotten caught screwing anything and everything. Some of which don't even seem possible. So what if one guy's pursuit of happiness took the form of sticking his schlong inside the umbrella hole of a picnic table. Do not such things transcend borders? After all, isn't this the sort of thing that could happen to anybody? Maybe a girl had been there just moments ago, and rolled away at the last minute.
Maybe it was dark. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Seriously. Now, filming it the first time is understandable. You just want to have evidence for when the cops say, "There is no way some guy is fucking a table.
The man was charged with felony counts of public indecency because his frolic with the world's most vulnerable four-legged beast happened near an elementary school.
Continue Reading Below We're guessing this made for some long, awkward conversations between fourth graders and their parents. Perhaps he's a pervert. Police say the tapes included two years' worth of the man defiling street signs. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Two goddamn years. And that's just the ones he was taping, who knows how many street signs he fucked and got away with it. This proves once and for all the forensics and crime scene work you see on CSI is a big load of bullshit.
Continue Reading Below Advertisement The man's escapades didn't end there , either. By the way, this is the guy we're talking about. There was also video of him masturbating in front of traffic while wearing a mask, waving a gun at people while naked and digging a hole to literally fuck the ground. That has to be the pinnacle of messed up boning, right? Screwing the earth itself? Well we can say that he's not the first guy to get caught doing it , so maybe it's a thing.
Who are we to judge? Continue Reading Below Advertisement This, presumably, was not a problem for anyone until the night that two cleaning ladies for a local hostel walked in on a sight far more horrifying than anything Eli Roth could come up with: The year-old Scottish man, with trou fully dropped, was "riding" a bike in a way that God never intended.
It has 10 speeds, all of them are sexy as hell. Oh, and did we mention that he stopped, knowing he was caught in one of the most awkward situations ever, acknowledged the cleaners in the room, and then continued gettin' it on?
Whether that is dedication, determination or retardation, it was probably backed with the thoughts and hopes that today would be the day he would get lucky and finally have that M-F-F-Bike orgy he always longed for. It didn't take long for them to call the cops, who booked his ass on charges of sexual breach of the peace, which we assume is Europe-speak for making everyone at the station say "What the Fuck?
Continue Reading Below Advertisement In fairness, this bike is totally asking for it. The man's little Tour de France got him three years probation and placement on the sex offenders list, presumably with the note "fucked bike" next to it. It's a few days after Valentine's Day and you still have warm, fuzzy feelings of love and tenderness skipping through your chest. Yes life is full of sunshine and rainbows. Nothing can ruin your day Congratulations, you now know exactly how those school children and young women felt when they encountered this exact scenario in Wiltshire, England.
Continue Reading Below Advertisement "Noone will ever believe me. Even with eye witnesses? Now we are curious to find out how much more detective work it would take to get a conviction on publicly boning a street lamp. We would also like to take this opportunity to point out how England is dominating this list. Kind of adds a whole new layer to that Telegraph headline from earlier. It's an American fucking an inanimate object this time!
So he did what many of the lonely and bored people on this list did, and found the nearest thing with a hole in it to fuck. Then he saw it: And then he made the fateful decision to have bit of the old in and out with it. Continue Reading Below Advertisement This is the harm: Yes, that video is totally accurate, his penis got stuck in the bench.
His ill-advised boning adventure soon led to over a dozen emergency personnel attempting to rescue him, while trying to hold in the Nelson Muntz style laughter brewing inside each of them. The doctors had to use needles to drain blood from the man's penis but, sadly for Xing, getting stabbed in the dick did nothing to stop the swelling and loosen things up, so the rescuers had to cut away the part of the bench that he was stuck to, and shipped him off by ambulance, where it took doctors a painfully long four hours to remove the sheet of metal from Le's dong, which he almost lost.
I want what's under her. All because of a single, momentary, horny lapse of judgment. You'd think that would scare people of inanimate object sex forever, but there's at least one guy we're pretty sure is still going strong. His name is Edward Smith and he has sex with Continue Reading Below 1 Cars Edward Smith's love of cars didn't translate into a nice collection of rare vehicles, or a career as a mechanic. Oh, no, he's on this list because he wanted to express his love in a different way.
Edward is one of a tiny number of people who are called mechaniphiliacs only about of them, as far as we know , and it's just what it sounds like. These are people that treat car washes like late night Cinemax movies, except instead of naughty inmates at an all-girls prison, it's seeing that dirty slut of a Scion get buffed nice and slow, just how papa likes it.
By Edward's count, since age 15 he's made love to around a thousand cars and he doesn't care who knows it judging by the fact that he has done TV interviews about it. Our research hasn't made it clear exactly how someone has sex with a car. Obviously you'd think of the tailpipe, but that would seem to create difficulties in terms of the positioning, especially for a car built low to the ground. And the car absolutely cannot be mounted while it's moving, as you'll see in this set of 30 photos of our attempt to demonstrate this.
Continue Reading Below Advertisement [photos removed - Ed] On top of all that, you'd always have that doubt in the back of you're mind that you're accidentally cornholing Optimus Prime. The last guy you would want to date rape.
Edward's current fling is a Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, which instantly makes every Herbie the Love Bug movie ever made five times creepier. Other cars he's gave his mighty meat shaft to include: But cars aren't the only machine he's gone all the way with; he claimed in the documentary he totally had a fling with this helicopter one time. It's here that we're tempted to call bullshit on the whole thing, but really, why would somebody lie about that?
Don't worry, even what's considered "acceptable" in the world of sex is getting weirder. And sex sex sex Cracked.