Oral sex Oral sex begins with the first deep kiss, and continues with kisses all over the body, concentrating finally on the genitals.
On the part of the giver it requires a degree of emotional involvement, because it must be done with patience, tenderness, sensitivity and mounting but controlled excitement if it is to be really good.
Lovers who give oral sex reluctantly and without generosity or enjoyment make their partners feel guilty and selfish, and too tense and worried to relax and take pleasure themselves. From the receiver, oral sex requires trust, and the confidence that comes with being made to feel desirable. In sex, as in other areas of life, it is often more difficult to receive generosity than to give it, but the person who succumbs completely to pleasure delivers himself or herself over to the lover, and this also gives a sense of wonderment.
It goes without saying that sexual hygiene is of prime importance for anyone who engages in oral sex. Oral sex for women is called cunnilingus. For many women, cunnilingus is the most exciting of all the variations of sex, and a gentle and skilful lover should be able to make his partner come with his tongue more easily than in any other way.
A strong slippery tongue can be used with precision on the clitoris without danger of causing any pain, unlike a finger.
Begin by kissing your partner's face and mouth, and then gradually work your way down her body, kissing and stroking her breasts, belly and inner thighs. Flick your tongue in light feathery kisses along the fleshy folds of the outer labia, smoothing away the pubic hair and then parting the labia gently with your fingers. Move very gradually inwards with your tongue. Vary your movements according to your partner's response. Try nuzzling, burrowing, thrusting with your tongue into her vagina, sucking, long delicate licks, short rapid flicking licks.
She may not like her clitoris to be stimulated directly at first, so proceed tentatively until she is fully aroused. Once she can trust YOU and feel confident that you like what you are doing, she will be able fully to let go in orgasm. Being 'on the spot', a man can get a special thrill from experiencing so directly the blissful effect he has on his partner, as well as from her vulnerability and trust.
Oral sex for men is called fellatio. The experience of having their penis sucked, licked and kissed is one that most men find intensely exciting. In some cases, there may be psychological barriers to overcome. Some men fear being bitten during oral sex. The woman should open her mouth as wide as possible, and close her lips, but not her teeth, over the penis. Using all the muscles in the lips and tongue will mean that the teeth should not come into contact with the penis at all.
Some women are worried that they may be choked during fellatio. The way to allay this fear is to remain in control: Some women find the idea of swallowing semen repugnant. Of course there is no need for you to do this if you do not wish to, but many women do enjoy having their partner ejaculate into their mouth. Work your way down your partner's body, beginning with kissing his face and mouth and progressing to his genitals. Be very gentle, as they are highly sensitive to pain.
There are many ways of stimulating the penis with your lips and tongue. You can lick all along the shaft with a delicate tongue, then use more pressure and press your open lips as well as your tongue against it as you rub them up and down towards the head. You can lick and kiss the frenulum - the sensitive place where the glans joins the shaft on the underside, which will be facing towards you if the man is lying on his back with an erection.
You can take the head of the penis in your mouth and suck it, tickling it at the same time with your tongue, and you can move your lips as far down the shaft as is comfortable. Then move up and down, sucking and pressing with your lips and tongue. The '69' position is so called because the figures resemble a couple giving each other oral sex. While many couples find this a good way of arousing each other, others find it difficult to concentrate on giving and receiving such intense pleasure at the same time.
If you are about to come in this position, it is best to break off from pleasuring your partner to avoid inadvertently biting him or her. Use your fingers to indicate to your partner what is happening and let yourself go in orgasm.