Jackie Pilossoph Love, Essentially Is your man a momma's boy? Here's how his relationship with her affects you. With Mother's Day just around the corner, I feel like it's a good time to bring up the issue of men and their mommies.
What exactly am I referring to? The fact that a man's relationship with his mother can have a big impact — in either a good way or a bad way on his relationship with you. I'm not a psychologist, but I believe the way a man views and treats women in his life begins at birth. A boy growing up watches how his dad treats his mom and then usually emulates the behavior. If a kid's dad is loving, kind and respectful to his wife, the boy will see this, and hopefully follow suit.
If the boy's dad orders the mom around, abuses her or treats her poorly, the boy could end up thinking this is acceptable, normal behavior. I want to stress that there are countless exceptions of men whose fathers were less than ideal, and who ended up treating their mothers like queens.
So, now the guy starts to date. Ever heard the saying, "How he treats his mom is an indicator of how he will treat his wife? When I was in my 20s, I went on a date with a man who spoke very negatively about his mom. He called her "stupid," "lazy," and in a story he was telling, said, "I told her to shut up.
There is nothing more repulsive to a woman than a man who doesn't respect or show love to his mom. There is also nothing more attractive to a woman than watching her guy treat his mom like gold. It makes us respect and adore him immensely. A man giving his mom flowers, taking her to church, or even just putting his arms around her for a big hug is so darn sweet! All that said, the love and the gestures have to be genuine.
In other words, if the man is sweet to his mother out of fear, it is a turn-off. Maybe the mom is demanding or controlling. Maybe she makes him feel guilty. A man who is afraid of his mom and acts out of a sense of obligation will ultimately resent his mom, which is never good for him, or for your relationship with him. Then there's the mama's boy. There's a fine line between a man who is a good son and a guy who is excessively attached to his mommy.
Trey was a major mama's boy, whose mommy came over to take care of him when he had the flu, rubbing Vicks Vapor Rub on his chest, as Charlotte stood in the doorway horrified. I have three pieces of advice for women when it comes to your guy and his mom: Let him spend time with her alone.
If your spouse has a great relationship with his mom, be happy for them and let them spend time together without you or the kids. He will appreciate you for that. You don't have to have the same relationship with her that he does. Maybe your mother-in-law and her son don't particularly get along, but the two of you naturally click.
Or, maybe they are close, and you and your mother-in-law have never seen eye-to-eye. You are entitled to have your own relationship with her, independent of your spouse's. If it causes an issue, you need to sit him down and talk about it. Keep your mouth shut. If you mother-in-law says something that causes you to want to throw the apple pie sitting on the table in her face, I would suggest refraining not only from starting a food fight, but from bringing it up to your husband.
What is he going to do about it? Nothing but become irritated and angry, most likely with you. And, if your husband says something negative about his own mom, say nothing. Remember, he's allowed to complain about her, you're not! Jackie Pilossoph is a freelance columnist for Pioneer Press.