You say that marriages benefit from conversing about sex, but what if your partner discredits your opinion. My partner has an anal fetish. And, because I love him, I tried it because he asked me to. I expressed this to him and his reaction was unexpected.
He feels that my distaste for it is not based on my own feelings, but rather based upon media hype, social views etc. I did try it, and that I based my decision on how it felt, physically, which was painful and uncomfortable. What would you recommend in a situation like this? It has really put a damper on our sex life. Dear TEO, This is a great question. I commend you for trying something new for your partner. Everyone should take a page out of your book.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, you turned out not to like what you tried, and now your husband is dismissing your perspective. I have multiple thoughts on this situation: Your husband does not sound very appreciative that you went far outside your comfort zone to try something new for him. Did he express that it meant a lot to him that you pushed yourself in this way?
Your husband sounds pretty dismissive and invalidating about your actual, stated thoughts, feelings, and physical responses. Your husband sounds like he is pressuring you in a non-loving way.
Telling a woman with a sore butt that the media is telling her not to have anal sex is not very loving. Then, there are ways that you could also help the situation: Tell him how hurt you are by his dismissal of your feelings.
Tell him that you know your own mind and ask if he would like you to tell him that the only reason he wants anal sex is because the media tells him to. He will probably get pretty defensive, which is what happens when you invalidate people. If he tends to invalidate or dismiss you in conversations generally speaking, this is a red flag and you should head to couples counseling.
Tell him that a happy sex life can only occur in a safe environment, where both people can express their thoughts and feelings openly without fear of being mocked, dismissed, or shut down. He can read Wanting Sex Again to understand more about the link for women between security and sexual openness. They tell kids to try new foods something like 10 times to see if you like it. Good luck, and congrats to you and your husband for trying to work this out.
Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional.
If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. This is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person Facebook Comments.