How to ask a guy for casual sex? August 5, 6: Here's the whole story: I am single and in my late 20s. I am single by choice. There's a lot to it, but I just don't want to be in a relationship right now. But I wouldn't mind a little sex. So, my hot neighbor approached me the other day with his phone number and told me to call if I ever wanted a drink.
I do not know anything about him; we are not friends, and we've never even spoken to one another. He appears to be in a similar situation to me: I realize that there is a possibility that I could go for a drink with him and fall head over heels and want to be in a relationship, but really, I know me, and I suspect that I am just going to want sex.
I have no reason to think he has a crush on me or anything, as we have never spoken, so there is this part of me that thinks maybe he has the same idea.
But, I can tell that he has manners, and I'm worried he's not going to bring it up, and then we might end up with some awkward situation because we both just wanted a lay but were too polite to bring it up. So, how should I approach this? The only thing that is stopping me from just saying it is that we live across the hall from each other. Should that even bother me? Like I said, we've lived across the hall from each other for years and have never spoken to each other. I guess I'm just a little worried about what he might think of me.
If you get vibes in another direction, be clear that you'd like to keep it casual. Well, try to get to know him first and see how he feels about these kinds.
Some guys are going to be prudes, some guys will look down on women who give it up too easy, unfortunately. Other guys will think it's awesome. If you're really worried about what he'll think, just get to know him first.
Trial basis agreement perhaps? As a guy, I'd be a bit surprised at first, but I'd love the direct approach, and I can't imagine many single, unattached men having a problem with this. You're not even asking for FWB. All you're asking for is "neighbors with occasional benefits.
Only caution that I see is that you two are neighbors so you'll see each other inevitably in the future. It's not a problem as long as neither of you becomes obsessed, etc. I say go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I get what you're saying but I think you need to be careful with phrasing like that as it could potentially turn into a situation where a gal approaches a guy with a certain mindset and a rebuff could possibly not work wonders for her self-esteem. Not saying anything like that would happen, but, well. To be honest, that kind of assumption usually rubs me the wrong way.
It's often thrown in with knuckle-dragging assumptions about what a man is meant to be though I'm sure you didn't mean it in that sense, delmoi. That being said, in this situation it does seem like he's interested. He gave you his number and indicated that he'd be interested in seeing you again. So, call him and meet up for a drink. Be flirty, see how he reacts, and if necessary, be straight forward - "want to come back to mine for another drink?
It feels clingy and a big turn off of the original statement of 'casual'. Dunno what kind of neighborhood you live in, where the bars are and when they close, but I would tend to think a call after dinner but before bed, maybe a demi-weekend day like a Thursday, could help. Something that makes it clear it's not a date, but which if it goes well and you're comfortable, could become a hook up.
In your situtation, your place or mine is going to be pretty simple. I mean, obviously you want to hang out a bit in a public place to make sure he's not creepy, but I would think you'd also want to avoid as much formality as possible. You guys are already there, right across the hall. Why don't you invite him over to your place for that drink. It's already casual and ice-broken because you're at home, and you can have more than a drink or two if you want because you're not driving anywhere.
Maybe he'd just like to go out and have a chat because he's lonely or has long harbored a secret pining crush on you. But typically when guys says "let's go have a drink," we finish the sentence silently in our heads, " Here's where you can get a bit forward after a few drinks.
Lay down perpendicular to him and lay your legs over his lap, or any similar maneuver. And if it doesn't quite work, you can do some lowered-inhibitions-flirting to further reiterate your intentions. And then a bit of poking him with your foot. And then some reaching for his hand and some eye looking and more overt flirting. I'm telling you, unless he's got issues, his autopilot will kick in sooner or later and then you two will be getting squeezy.
If right now he's the guy you don't see much, don't know, and don't talk to, you don't have much to lose. If you move in for the goodies and he is put off by that, well, you'll go back to the way things were - no loss. And if he reveals his secret love for you or tries to pull back and go slow and date, you can say you're where you want to be right now and that aren't looking to date. It can't hurt to tell him at that point that you just think he's hot and you live right across the hall from each other and you just thought It's casual sex; I tend to think fondly of the people I've shared that with, and assume they think fondly of me.
On the other hand, I don't really care and encourage you not to expend a lot of thought on that either. As long as everyone is clear on the boundaries and good to go, it kind of doesn't make any difference what he thinks, you know? You're not there for his good opinion.
It has been my experience that there are plenty of men who feel uncomfortable with casual sex. There are plenty who are fine with it, too. Whether or not it's a big deal that he lives across the hall from you will vary from person to person. Use whatever rule of thumb you might use for dating within the workplace. Even if you only want a physical relationship, time getting to know him is a given.
Consider carefully how this might play out with him living nearby. I wonder if a neighbor would be ideal in such a situation. It's not like there will be an awkward walk back He's asked you out. If someone who wants casual sex is going to think less of you for being willing to have casual sex, that person does not belong in your life. Askr's advice to invite him over to your place for a drink rather than going out somewhere is good, too.
Then when the night ends, invite him in for a drink. He'll know what you mean. Let's have sex sometime. It actually cleared the way for some comfortable and straightforward "hey, let's get together for sex" phone calls, and it didn't have the ponderous quality of a prepared speech nervously delivered that starts "look, I don't want a relationship See you in three months when you ask the question "How do I give my annoying neighbour the signal that I only wanted a casual relationship!?
Here's how it goes. First, pretend you're in a movie and you're the main character. Text him after 9: What are you up to? Wanna get that drink?
I have a bottle of wine! Come down the hall why dontcha! True, but I believe if most men were presented with a woman saying "I want no-strings sex. Are you cool with that? This is one area where women have the upper hand in merely asking for what they want. And if you are going to say this, it's on you to follow through yourself -- no fair asking him to be casual while you get all intense.
Invite him over to your place; alcohol is good; casual is as casual does. Above, deezil gave some good advice: As for making it happen, invite him out for a drink to make sure he isn't a complete freak. If you think it is safe to do so, invite him back to your place.
The fact that he's your neighbor means it could very easily get messy. And not in a good way: I was just about to say this exact thing. If you do sleep together and it--for whatever reason--doesn't end well, being across the hall from each other could be awkward at best.
I speak from experience.