Be honest, how many times have you actually massaged your partner for longer than a few minutes of shoulder squeezing in front of the TV , or a half-hearted swish over their back with your palms? Anything more and your thumbs start to throb, or your own back starts to ache.
And we promise to spare you that junior-high stat about what percentage of massages lead to sex. Squirting cold oil onto warm skin looks sexy in the movies, but feels terrible in real life.
Squirt your oil into one hand and then rub your palms together to warm the oil up before applying to the body. Sweet almond oil — or apricot oil if your partner has a nut allergy — is best. If you over-oil your partner, use something lush and soft to use to wipe off the excess — and make the wiping part of the massage , following your massage strokes with towel in hand. Do slow it down. So many couples tend to rush through their massage. Get your partner in the mood — and give the muscles time to warm up — with relaxed, gentle strokes.
At least, not at first. Using thumbs is the quickest way to tire out your hands, so avoid using them at all until the very end of the massage. Start by using an open hand technique with relaxation strokes and save your thumbs as your secret weapon: Do ask for feedback.
Any good massage therapist will ask their client for feedback, and you should do the same. Speaking of being on the receiving end: Expectations cause most arguments, right? And expecting a massage in return is bad form. You should want to massage your partner for the sake of doing something nice for them — and you should announce this intention before you start the rub-down. Have everything you need organized and close by before you begin. And turn off your phone! The more surface area you can touch, the better your massage will feel.
When massaging, keep your fingertips and palms down and relaxed. The best position is for you to kneel on the floor with your partner sitting cross-legged between your knees. Use cushions under your butt to help keep your weight off your knees. Though you should still massage for no more than 20 minutes in this position as it will eventually start to tire out your knees and lower back. Contrary to popular belief, lying down for a massage is definitely NOT sexier or more comfortable — for either of you.
She could lean back, touch his thighs, press the small of her back into his pelvis, etc. Denis Merkas is a qualified Acupuncturist and Remedial Massage Therapist, whose expertise is in training and developing professional massage therapists. He uses those same techniques to teach couples how to massage each other in weekend seminars and has a series of sophisticated instructional videos, available at CouplesMassageCourses.