On my wedding night. With my brand new wife. Barely The church gave us so many reasons why we should have waited. The problem was that it told us nothing about what to do when we got there. So 5 hours before the wedding ceremony 2 friends took me out for a drink.
They could not believe that at 23 I was still a virgin. I was putting up an act most of the time. But at that moment I was more concerned with the fact that my genitals were about to enter unknown territory and I had no clue what to do or what to expect.
Thankfully, the first time went smoothly. Mostly quick, but also smooth. Without getting into raunchy details let me say, we are all alive because someone had sex except Jesus Christ himself. I want to make an invitation to us, the church, to join the conversation as oppose to shy away from it again. The truth is that sex is found everywhere in Scripture. It was designed by God. Perfected by Puerto Ricans.
And we Christians need to speak up about it, in a non-judgemental, non-religious, relevant way. We are sending our young people into the marriage bed as virgins good but also as morons bad. And the amount of conversations I have had with young couples who have properly struggled with their sex life is staggering. If we preach all the verses against lust and seduction and sexual sin which is the right thing to do then we also need to teach all the verse on beauty and creativity and romance and awesome sex which is the best thing to do.
We were enjoying each other. The problem was that there was an expectation created by our other virgin barely friends. After the most glorious 13 minutes of the morning the national average we were ready to go out, explore the land and just walk around holding hands and chatting about what to do in life. But we felt stuck to the room. Yet, after that one time, once a day, we were done. It was good, it was awesome, we felt connected, but we were done. And it was then when we discovered that sex is absolutely amazing… but it is also gloriously overrated.
Some people believe that sex in real life is like sex in the movies. Lies Our world system has created such an idea of what sex is that it has corrupted the truth. Truth is, sex is work. A labor of love and joy, yes, but still a labor. Sometimes it takes time for both parties to really get into it. Play and patience are required for optimum performance.
But remember this, the whole point is to enjoy each other. Actually, the best sex for me happens when I focus on making it the best sex for her. Works almost every time. So work hard at having fun. Be creative, figure out what is best for you both and go to town. And decide what works for you two.
Everyone has their own rules and boundaries and everyone has a Bible verse to justify this, that or the other. But whatever works for you two, in a place of honor to God and each others, works to honor God and each other. If you get stuck along the way, then ask questions. I agree with God fully. My encouragement is simple. Have an actual sex-talk. Have the uncomfortable conversation with your pastor, leader or mentor about your upcoming wedding night.
You are obviously not an expert.