Sex can be a big driver in the desire to cheat Image: Could not subscribe, try again laterInvalid Email For many people 'Til death do us part' ends up being a very long time to be monogamous. But the physical aspects of a relationship are just as important as the companionship and thousands of people have affairs each year. For some it ends up being the breakdown of a marriage and leads to a broken home and custody battle for children but for others it can sustain a relationship at breaking point.
It's often the man who strays in a marriage but it can just as easily be the women. Below three ordinary middle aged share their experiences of cheating. So, why did I have affairs? I did however realize that despite dearly loving my handsome husband of 23 years, our sex life was limited to ABC sex anniversaries, birthdays and Christmases.
If I was lucky. It seemed the older I got, the more sexual I became. I wanted to explore, experience, take a few risks and yes, I wanted to hang from those God damn chandeliers! These women say they are much happier after choosing to cheat Image: Getty I met men who had wives with arthritis, alcoholism, menopausal symptoms, depression I naively never questioned why my husband never looked at me as I got dressed in the mornings and often shied away from pressing himself against my body as we squeezed passed each other by the oven door.
I guess the signs were all there, but when you have bills to pay, kids to look after and socks to pair up, the sex side of a marriage dissipates at a rapid rate of knots.
Quite frankly, I just thought that we had a typical and very normal married sex life. And dull at that so I decided to join a dating website. Of course, there were inevitably the men who were looking for quickies between board meetings and some even went so far as admitting that a double macchiato and sex on their way back from the City was a perfect alternative to having to pay for a hooker.
I was surprised by the amount of genuinely loving men who admitted with pained expressions that they desperately wanted to make love to their wives, however, for a multitude of reasons, this past time was never going to be on the marital cards again. People cheat for a multitude of reasons Image: Rex Over time, I met men who had wives with arthritis, alcoholism, menopausal symptoms, depression, to name a few.
Are we meant to get total satisfaction from self-stimulation before the school run? The longing to be touched by my husband faded along with the vintage lace on my wedding dress and I was peeved that as we marched up the aisle, 23 years ago to say our vows, not one person spoke up about what happens when one of the partners no longer wanted to get cosy beneath the Egyptian cotton sheets.
Were we just meant to suffer in silence? Or were we meant to get total satisfaction from self-stimulation before the school run?
I remember the first affair I had. I arrived at a quirky restaurant in London that seemingly only had road kill on the menu. I really had no clue how affairs worked and genuinely tried to back out after the first teenage snog on the tube. I did, and it was great. This gentle man who has since become a fabulous friend, explained how he struggled with the thought of never having intimate times again with his wife who is riddled with arthritis.
He yearned to hold her close, yet the physical pain she felt was too much to even comprehend the thought of having a cuddle, let alone sexual intimacy. Read More One in three MEN admit faking orgasms but women are still the biggest bedroom bluffers Another highly sexed man became addicted to cocaine and regularly woke up in crack dens at 5am, only to brush down his Saville Row suit and head to his breakfast meeting in Mayfair. There was also a man whose wife had had a mastectomy and would understandably never get undressed in front of him again.
We all had one thing in common. We all dearly loved our spouses, but the need for intimacy drove us to utter confusion and subsequently, affairs. Things changed for me when I met a man who I fell for. In retrospect, I perhaps fell for the situation as opposed to him. We are led to believe that people who have affairs are akin to something we find on the bottom of our wellies after a walk in the country.
I beg to differ. An active sex life is craved by people of all ages Image: However, when you are in love with a spouse who no longer wants the same physical stimulation, for whatever reason, what are you meant to do? On the contrary, most of us have a happy home life, wonderful children and reasonable careers.
Without a doubt, having had several affairs is not something I am proud of and but since very recently finding out that my husband had hidden his cross-dressing fetish for all our married life, the guilt has eased.
Read More Sweden orders SEX study amid government fears that nation's falling libido is 'a political problem' I now understand why he was never very demonstrative and I can only assume that he got the satisfaction he needed from wearing my underwear and dresses; when what I needed was a strong man to hold me in his arms and make me feel secure. What I do realize is that life is not black and white.
I started going out with my husband when I was just 18 so for most of my adult life he had been all I had known sexually. We have one child and so at the earlier part of last year I began to look more closely at our relationship and marriage in general.
I reflected on the previous few years and realised that the physical side of our relationship had all but disappeared. To be honest I missed the intimacy and passion and wanted it back in my life. I tried to talk to him about this but he dismissed it and could not see an issue. Also he had developed a medical condition that made sex for him painful.
I missed the intimacy and passion and wanted it back in my life No amount of persuading to go to his GP worked which begun to leave me cross and frustrated. It's not always men who choose to cheat as these stories show Image: Getty I left it a while and then sensitively broached the subject again of our lack of intimacy and again I basically got the brush off. I think it's fair to point out that in all other respects we have a great relationship; enjoy nights out, holidays, have a laugh etc but this missing bit was starting to get in the way.
I have a close male friend whom I trust implicitly and I confided in him. He talked me through my options: I could leave, I could stay and carry on accepting that was my lot or I could stay and get what I needed elsewhere. Well, he then told me about websites for married and attached people. Up until that point I had never thought about this and was unaware they existed. Read More Worst excuse for 'cheating' ever? Man accused of straying says he 'forgot' whether he slept with woman When I first looked I was amazed at how many there were, and how many men appeared to be in a similar situation to myself.
I have always kept my profile brief but honest and thought that if anyone wants to know more they will ask. It wasn't long before messages and offers to meet up started coming through. I was skeptical at first as I'm no spring chicken, overweight and no oil painting. What I did tell anyone whom I got chatting to though was that I was looking for passion, intimacy and sparks that was missing from my relationship.
I was not and still am not looking to upset anyone's home life as I want discretion and respect my side. I'm no spring chicken, overweight and no oil painting Ironic as it sounds I am a very honest person with a great deal of respect for anyone I have met up with, even if it has not developed into a physical relationship. Looking back now I was rather naive and foolish as the first guy I met with I invited him to my house as I was alone. I've never done that since and first meets always take place in a public place as i realise safety and discretion must come first.
Anyhow the sex was OK but rather non eventful. Protection was used but all three times that day he never lasted more than three minutes; not exactly the mind-blowing moment I had been leading up to. We messaged a few times but it was clear he wasn't interested in meeting up again.
The second meet the following meet was with a guy from Leicester whom I met at a hotel halfway between us. Meeting in hotels is often the location of choice for cheaters Image: Getty It was meant to be an overnight but after the first time he suddenly went into a panic, felt guilty about his partner and made an excuse to leave.
Well that didn't exactly leave me feeling good about myself afterwards and I questioned if this was really for me. I also wondered if I was so horrible that it put guys off once they had met me. I only ever use current photos on my profile so I never lied. Read More What's your 'magic number'? Here's how many bedpost notches are considered promiscuous I then decided that I wouldn't sleep with a man on a first meet but would meet for coffee or a drink, see how we got on and then make arrangements.
After all I was not after a succession of one of meets but wanted someone to meet regularly with whom I could build a good friendship with. I then met a guy in a country park and we went for a long walk, talking about our lives, wishes and desires which felt good. We did kiss that day but that was all. I met up with him on five occasions but it was all one sided as he was out of work and I was always paying the hotel bill so I told him it couldn't go on.
We still chat occasionally and he asks if we can meet up but I'm not interested. One is a bit vanilla in the bedroom and the other is like a teenager on heat Well, now the very naughty side of me comes into play. In short succession I met two guys with the same name whom I still see - nine months on - when we can. One of them is drop dead gorgeous but a bit vanilla in the bedroom and the other is very funny and like a teenager on heat.
Seeing both of them is something I don't want to give up. But it gets even more complicated as I then started chatting to a guy who said he was 54 and when I met him it was obvious he was older.
He later admitted to being 10 years older. Hundreds of people regularly meet for no strings sex Image: Getty Images Anyhow I gave him the benefit of the doubt and was amazed at how much stamina he had. It did feel odd sleeping with a man that old at first but he was good in bed.
Again we still meet up about every three or four weeks. I then had to live in a hotel during the week for a few months due to work and often I was lonely.
Now I'm not proud but did find myself having company at least twice a week, some one offs others for a bit longer. I would even contemplate ending my marriage for him During this time I agreed to meet with a guy who on the surface wasn't what I would normally go for but something about talking to him had me intrigued.
I met with him and straight away we just clicked.