The plane immediately went into an inverted, almost straight-down spin. Pulling the ejection handle, he was knocked unconscious by the force of the ejection. McCain gained consciousness right before landing in a lake off the corner of Hanoi, where he sunk immediately to the bottom of fifteen feet of water, weighted down by fifty pounds of gear. With his right leg broken around the knee, right arm in three places, as well as his left arm, he managed to kick up to the surface to fill his lungs with air, right before sinking back down only to be forced to kick back up again for more air.
And so, began his five and a half years serving as a prisoner of war. Suffering psychological torment through routine solitary confinement and perpetual physical agony and anguish, a day of potential salvation finally came. Hoping to score a propaganda victory, they offered McCain an early release. The Code of Conduct U. Forces followed designated prisoners were to be released in the order they were captured. Unless every man captured before him was released as well, McCain declined the offer.
The Most Important Relationship Strength You Must Have , exercising selfless behavior—that behavior which runs in conflict to selfishness, often unnatural, and even undesired to what you may prefer to do—in a marriage relationship is a key component to a long-lasting, satisfying, successful relationship. Thus, it should come as no surprise that giving up particular freedoms, requiring complete selflessness, is a contributing variable to such ever-lasting marriages. Those freedoms which may be the most challenging for you to part with individually may actually strengthen your bond with one another collectively and, even help guard against an extramarital affair.
For instance, can you think of a freedom you are exercising with the opposite sex that you should consider surrendering for the sake of bolstering and fortifying your marital union? Do you have a one-on-one opposite sex friend beyond your spouse you find yourself meeting and texting with consistently one-on-one? This article debates potential marital relationship repercussions that one-on-one opposite sex friendships outside of a marriage may produce, and is not an article condemning opposite sex group friendships, professional rapports at work, peer assemblies at school, couple double-date night, dating courtships, etc.
Though these connections still should be stewarded appropriately, guarding against relational connections which may harm a marriage, or, a dating relationship, developing connections with the opposite sex in group settings—double date-night with other couples and co-ed game-nights, for instance—may encourage positive personal and relational growth when steered strategically.
Therefore, this article is not recommending you completely abandon friendships with the opposite gender , but rather contemplatively consider and then strategically steward appropriately opposite sex relationships.
Nonetheless, research findings from this past year, the last five years, the last twenty years, and beginning from twenty-five years out And yes. This idea retains two suppositions: Long time typical definitions of friendship look something like this: A voluntary, supportive personal relationship comprising fluctuating amounts of fellowship, closeness, affections, and joint support. Whereas opposite sex friendships have been often defined as a voluntary, supportive, non-romantic association between persons of the opposite sex.
Though this definition seems harmless enough in a word, in action, however, it seems to be much more complex. During the late twentieth century, one of the earliest investigations on opposite sex friendships suggested that opposite sex friends meet these primary challenges: Additionally, this inquiry proposed that opposite sex friendships provoke mistrustfulness in romantic partners and that opposite sex friends must continually assure their romantic partners that the friendship is not a risk.
A large collection of research shortly after suggested most married women and married men of those spouses with close opposite sex friends, possess a continual grade of suspicion and apprehension. One enormous study, for instance, proposed women and men experience low levels of emotional attraction with high levels of sexual attraction to their opposite-sex friends, whereas another study suggested the opposite.
Particular inconsistency in response from study to study may potentially be a consequence of how opposite sex friends are defined by participants. There is extremely little research or widespread literature on opposite sex friendship that does not indicate attraction and its conceivable consequences. Extensive talk surrounding explanations for the existence of opposite sex friendship attraction exists.
Some academics center their attention on the societal underpinnings of attraction in friendship. For instance, the media is to blame on many levels, instilling in women and men the notion that they should be attracted to their cross-sex friends. Other scholars, however, posit biology, psychology, and physiological explanations are key reasoning ingredients for why the relational connections of emotions and sex are unavoidable in opposite sex friendships.
Regardless of the rationalization, extensive present-day research explicitly suggests one-on-one opposite sex friendships with an individual other than a spouse, may contribute to marital conflict, extramarital affairs, and even divorce. Potential Marriage Relationship Consequences In previous articles of mine, which can be found here: Specifically, common relationship blind spots that often are unfortunately not anticipated, often times leading to a myriad of marriage relationship ramifications, across a large array of contexts.
To name a few: Extensive interview and survey results from essentially even figures of married or previously married women and men, collected from both instigators of extramarital affairs as well as victims, provide overwhelming large measures of responses indicating they, or, their spouse, participated in either an emotional i.
More specifically, a man or woman they devoted personal, one-on-one time with away from their spouse, either in a face-to-face venue in public or private or, digitally, through texting or social media. Meeting one-on-one with someone of the opposite sex for your weekly Starbucks in-between a meeting, or, daily workout at the gym before the day begins, or text-messaging to pass the time at work, or late night Facebook chats, or movie night while your spouse is out of town.
All these scenarios and infinitely more, provide ample, consistent opportunity to attach relationally to one another both emotionally, with feelings, and sexually, with desires.
Often times dangerously creating a relational bond, through emotional disclosure, and often working in tandem, development of sexual desires, that is of an alarming similar strength to the bond that you hold with your spouse. Additionally, with the advent of social and digital media, such as Facebook and texting, potential negative implications to marriages from interacting one-on-one with the opposite sex through these electronic means must be taken into consideration.
Substantial divorce court records indicate a large amount of divorces nationwide, occurring based on an extramarital affair, originated on Facebook and through text-messaging with a one-on-one friend of the opposite sex. In turn, causing problematic friendship turmoil down the road. Discuss what makes you both uncomfortable. Being zealous for one another is not necessarily a bad thing.
Discuss with them openly and transparently your reasoning for choosing to discontinue the one-on-one friendship. They may be married as well, and if so, include their spouse in the discussion. Maybe you and your spouse and them and their spouse can develop a couple friendship. You must be willing to place the success of your own marriage relationship before other relationships. But sometimes certain couple friendships can add unnecessary stress to your marriage.
You may have thirty couples you both spend your time with couple-to-couple throughout the year, or, you may have only two or three couples you run with from time-to-time. Your marriage relationship is worth more than appealing to, and pleasing others on couple date night. Be cautious with your opposite sex friendships, especially one-on-one. If your desire is to date with the eventual goal of marriage, pursue this person intentionally for this end goal.
Feelings and desires are tricky components of both men and women, and as seen extensively throughout this article, are often unavoidable and difficult to completely tame. The equation for infidelity often looks like this: Set boundaries for communicating with your opposite-sex friends. Evaluate who you and your spouse are friends with on Facebook.
For more information about how to guard your marriage online, please see these other articles of mine: The Grass Isn't Greener. Surrendering a personal freedom can be difficult. Especially when it comes to our relationships with others. But it should not come at the cost of your marriage relationship. Avoiding Blindspots in Your Words and Actions: Clear Communication deals with the day-to-day blind-spots in communication.
Blind spots in communication are defined as those thoughts, words, or actions you may or may not be cognizant of as you live day-to-day, but often times can negatively affect you and others in the long run. Want to know how to avoid communication blind spots in your personal and relational development? By raising your awareness of these blind spots, in both every day and in social and digital media settings, you can potentially elude relationship heartache and devastation.
This blog will help you learn about how to apply social psychology in your personal and relational settings to avoid these blind-sided communication moments. The frequency and impact of sexual activity in cross-sex friendships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17, A comparison of cross-sex friendships and dating relationships on uncertainty and topic avoidance. Personal Relationships, 5, Can men and women be just friends? Personal Relationships, 7, Attraction in cross-sex friendship.
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